So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
