Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
