I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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