he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
