my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
