I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
