Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
