maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
