i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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