Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
