We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
