i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
