He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
