She is in my trunk
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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