Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
