every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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