uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
