dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's always time for handjobs
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Your penis caused this!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
