So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
