shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
