I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
