i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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