Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
