all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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