everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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