you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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