doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Still dying that you shit outside
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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