if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
