You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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