I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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