if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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