before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
