so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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