and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
