I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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