I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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