Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize