I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We had to coat check the pizza.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
