I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
