Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
