I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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