i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
