Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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