Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
