my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
