JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
