Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
