I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
