So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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