life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize