i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
