WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Enjoy the penises
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
