it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
