I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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