We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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