I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
