Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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