Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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