You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
