About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
A bitchslap is in order.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
