just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize