I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
