i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize