I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
