I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I love you. Go after that dick
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize